Abi Roberts - Curriculum Vitae  

Age: None of your f****ing business. 

Nationality: Yes.  

Vital Statistics: 8 out of 10 dogs prefer Pedigree Chum.  

Hair: Lots.

Eyes: Two.

Teeth: Full set.

Skills: Horse-riding. Skiiing. Scuba diving. Cheese-rolling. Sword-swallowing. Brass rubbing and giraffe insemination.

NB: Abi is NOT a burlesque act. She cannot play the ukelele, thank f***.

Range: Wide.

Qualifications: Funny as f***.   

Dislikes: Jazz (in all it's forms: swing, dixie, New Orleans, beebop, freeform, "cool jazz", "hot jazz", "damp jazz".  Noisy builders.  Jazz.

Phobias: Mice. Ukeleles. Weimar cabaret .

Weirdest place you have had sex: Aberystwyth.  

Favourite comics:  Lee Mack, Frank Skinner, Bruce Forsythe, Richard Pryor, Lee Mack (I just love Lee Mack's stuff - a true comedy genius), Robin Williams, Freddie Starr, Les Dawson, Marti Caine, Lee Mack (again? Oh yes. Did I mention Lee Mack?), George Roper, Ellen De Generes, Matt Roper (son of George and creator of Wilfredo Erecto!), Sarah Millican, Trevor Lock, Joan Rivers, Bette Midler, Lucille Ball, Roseanne Barr, Bill Bailey, Sean Locke, Steve Coogan, Harry Hill, Earl Okin, Rob Brydon, Beryl Reid, Leonard Rossiter, Lee Mack (I'm not his stalker, honest.)